The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or fewer.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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CDC: Wear a mask! Social Distance! Get the vaccine!
CDC: don’t eat raw cookie dough
Me: I’ll see you in hell
— Daphne Strasert (she/her) 💖💜💙 (@daphnethewriter) January 18, 2021
earthquakes are my favorite way to spend 10 seconds worrying I’m going to die while peeing
— shauna (@goldengateblond) January 17, 2021
yesterday i completed a chore that i’ve been putting off for 5 months. it took me 20 minutes. i will learn nothing from this
— kenzie (@kenzhadley) January 18, 2021
i will jump out the shower naked just to skip a song. idc.
— 🦋 (@immanwrld) January 21, 2021
when I see a girl with red hair I think oh good there’s a witch here to protect me. is this problematic
— raina (@quakerraina) January 19, 2021
at the stage of the pandemic where i long for other, earlier days in the pandemic
— say-neek smiiiiiithe (@sey_anything) January 17, 2021
we need a disney princess who is a piece of shit
— ms pippershnippetz (@lolumOKUR) January 18, 2021
me, fluent in french, reading “coup d’état” in my head: coop de tatt
— sydney battle (@SydneyBattle) January 17, 2021
dear WOMEN💕, please STOP saying SORRY for:
– taking up space
– asking for what you deserve
– hitting someone w your car
– setting a barn on fire
– accidentally murdering someone
– intentionally murdering someone
– simply being yourself (a murderer)
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) January 18, 2021
Ppl always telling me to act my age like where do I sign up to learn cause i never been this age before 😂
— JT (@ThegirlJT) January 17, 2021
why would you say Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas broke up when you could just say BenAna Split
— 𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕗𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕣 (@spinubzilla) January 18, 2021
Ugh I was supposed to perform wap at the inauguration today but I had a dentist appointment 😓😓….maybe next time .
— iamcardib (@iamcardib) January 21, 2021
once I ate an almond joy and broke out in hives so I was like “maybe I’m allergic to almonds” and my dad said “or maybe you’re allergic to joy” AND HE WAS RIGHT
— blaire erskine (@blaireerskine) January 17, 2021
wtf is lgtbq+?? y’all have gay premium??
— ً (@isnotscrewed) January 19, 2021
how come nintendo can’t make some games for people like me where nothing bad ever really happens to you and also you can never die
— Scaachi (@Scaachi) January 19, 2021
The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Dec. 26-Jan. 1)
The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Jan. 2-8)
The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Jan. 9-15)
This article originally appeared on HuffPost and has been updated.